Postcards From The Ledge
Thursday, January 01, 2009
Blog One
It is that time again...time for the dreaded New Year's Resolutions. Once again it is time to look back at the past year and be amazed at how little I actually accomplished. It is the time that I love and hate. I hate it because it acts as a mirror and a direct reflection of what really went down in 2008. However, I love it because it represents a new beginning and hope. Who cares what I did or didn't do last year? "Today is the first day of the rest of your life"...right? Who said that? I think it was Tony Danza on an early episode of "Who's the Boss?"

My life’s highway is littered with resolutions not achieved. The most popular seem to involve money, family, health and education.

Many of my resolutions over the years have been money related. It may be because I grew up in a large family (there were nine of us) with limited funds. Who doesn't want financial peace of mind? I was supposed to be a millionaire at 30, right? I would retire early because I could. I was already checking out 60-foot yachts like Ted Knight had in Caddy Shack. Perhaps a bit ambitious for a guy who gets nauseous watching the 'Deadliest Catch' on Discovery Channel. Then the goal was to be loaded by the age of 40. That seemed reasonable to a guy who has read as much Zig Ziglar, Stephen R. Covey and Og Mandino as I have. Wasn't I supposed to have a sweet pad in Newport=2 0Beach and a mountain hideaway in Jackson Hole by now? Well, Ogden will have to do I suppose.

Many resolve to make better decisions with regards to health and fitness.
Am I ever going to run a marathon? That seems to be a popular one. Other than the fact that it is 26.2 mike, another concern with running that distance are my frequent and sudden bathroom breaks. Are there ample facilities? How about abs? I would love to have a 6-pack...or 4-pack or whatever. I want the kind that 50 Cent has. When are those going to show up? I get dizzy doing a crunch. They say the real secret to those 'Amazing Abs' is diet. Are you suggesting I stop eating my Strawberry Frosted Pop Tarts and Diet Rock Star energy drink each morning? I must forgo those waffle cut fries from Chick-Fil-A? Never! I have to give up my Sam's Club blueberry muffin that is the size of Hulk's fist? Who needs abs anyway?

"The secret to any goal or resolution is that it is attainable," at least that's what it said on my Panda Express fortune cookie. Of course it was misspelled and had sweet and sour sauce on it.

In honor of a new year, 2009, a new beginning, I hereby resolve......

To no longer refer to Rosie O’Donnell as "that dude who used to be on the View."
To not cram down a king-size Snickers bar 15 minutes after working out. Perhaps it defeats the purpose.
To help change Drew's (2), Aiden's (newborn) and/or my own (who knows?) diaper at least one time per week.
To check with my wife Noelle before I put whites and colors together in the washer. We seem to have a lot of gray and pink clothes these days.
To have a prostate exam this year for medicinal purposes.
To not have any more children. Don't get me wrong. I love them all dearly but enough is enough! (Noelle agrees).
To go through my closet and donate my old baseball caps, Hard Rock Cafe jean jacket, and my Yo! MTV Raps wrist watch to Deseret Industries or who ever will take them.
And, finally, I resolve to make 2009 better than 2008. If not, there is always next year. Right.

-Keith Stubbs